Lower School Division News: Dec. 4, 2024

December 5th 2024

By Dr. Debra Sass, Lower School Division Head

Dear parents and families,

What memories do you treasure from the holidays of your youth? As I write, I am trying to remember the special gifts that I received or the spectacularly entertaining things that we did as a family over the years. However, I don’t remember much about any of that stuff. Above all, I remember the people in my life at the time.

As an example, I vividly remember the Christmas of 1979. My dad was there. By the middle of February, cancer had taken him away. How thankful I am that we had that precious time together. While I don’t remember a lot about what we did or what I received that year, I clearly remember the sweet joy of just being together as a family. What I wouldn’t give to spend Christmas with my father again. Sadly, it may take something completely life-altering for us to still ourselves enough to truly connect with the people we love.

For the most part, I believe that families desire more connection and quality time with their loved ones during the holidays. Especially in America, where the normal pace of life is “crazy busy.” Because the average family lives a go-go-go, non-stop life (especially during the holidays), most people crave more focused quality time. As with anything worth having, it takes intentionality, sacrifice, and determination to make it happen. If we want to connect more with our loved ones this holiday season, we may need to adjust our lifestyle. This may require creating white calendar space by saying no to certain events, parties, or activities that we would have said yes to in the past. To slow down and have more quality time with our family, we need to simplify things and make space. Instead of trying to jam more in, it’s about deleting and taking things off the calendar.

Another way that rooted families connect more during the holidays is that they execute self-control with their phones when they are together. Although there are many positive benefits, we all know that phones negatively impact our day-to-day relationships. Phones are taking over our family connection time. According to a study published in 2020 by the Journal of Peace, Development, and Communication, “85% of respondents use mobile phones for communication with people other than their family members when they are with their family; over 50% make calls to others during their family time; 83% text while around their family members, and 75% feel that they ignore their family due to cell phone use."

What we have come to notice amongst healthy, rooted families is that they have healthy boundaries around their cell phones and other devices. The parents not only have self-control when it comes to their phones and other devices, but they teach their children to do this also. They have special house rules regarding when cell phones can and can’t be used. For instance, they may have a special technology zone in the home where cell phones go after a certain time of day. Rooted families also know when it is inappropriate to have their phones out. Some of those times would include conversations with loved ones, sitting together at mealtimes, or when participating in family activities. If you want a deeper and quality connection with your loved ones this holiday season, put your phones away. Don’t just turn it on to silent mode. Literally, put it out of sight, and focus on the family and loved ones that are present. Putting your phone away when you are with your family communicates to them that they are worthy of your full attention. It communicates that you are present and here for them fully.

Accordingly, we recognize that cell phones can disrupt the developmental capacity of Winston students who are learning to make new connections at school. We do not allow the use of cell phones during the school day because we want our students to practice social skills - not just taking turns talking, but also thinking about and reflecting on the social dynamics, how to show empathy for others, and even on what topics to bring up to have a meaningful conversation. These are things American society is built on, and we don’t want our young people missing out. School should be about maximum engagement and interaction. Sometimes, particularly for introverts, it becomes easier to use the phone as an escape from having to practice the very social skills that will someday help them in the workforce and public. In like fashion, we strive to do all that we can to encourage connections and maintain these long-established social norms at The Winston School.

Alone we can do so little; together we can do so much.

Dr. Debra Sass