Be Bored. It's Good for You!

By Dr. Jenn Milam, Pamela K. Murfin Head of School

How many times when there is no phone, no screen, or no activity, do you hear, “I’m bored”? Do you find yourself trying to plan things for the weekends or avoiding downtime? It can be tempting to overschedule, enroll in lots of activities, and fill the dance card (as my granddaddy used to say), but the truth is, boredom is a good thing. To be bored is to have time to let your mind wander, breathe, and reset your nervous system. Research shows that boredom opens space for creativity, self-regulation, cognitive flexibility, rest, resilience, and novelty seeking. 

In June 2023, an article in the New York Times entitled “Let Kids Get Bored. It’s Good for Them,” written by Catherine Pearson, talks to parents about resisting the urge to rescue from boredom, but instead seeking the actual feeling that lies beneath the boredom. For some that is sadness, for some loneliness, but for others, it’s an opening to find something that feels meaningful to them in the moment. This is not for a parent to determine what is meaningful or to offer solutions, but for the child to discover something meaningful on their own. 

In an age of technology overload and screen addiction, not only are we missing opportunities for boredom, but I would contend we are masking many of the feelings that might also underlie boredom. In doing so, we may be hindering our young people from feeling their feelings and knowing how to have them productively and meaningfully. Rather than being bored, we (grown-ups and kids) turn to technology - endless scrolling, video games, or never-ending YouTube shorts, Netflix, or TikTok. Rather than feel, we bury ourselves in notifications, likes, and shares, seeking connection not just to others, but to ourselves. Boredom is an opportunity - to discover, to pause, to feel. 

As we round the bend to Thanksgiving and our lives become even more busy, I encourage you to find moments to be bored - to tune out, to turn off, and to feel the feelings. This time of year can come with a great deal of anxiety, pressure, lack of sleep, and overstimulation. It is important for our young people that they learn to feel, to understand themselves in relation to the world around them, and to create meaningfulness of their own. 

Your homework, parents, is to not overschedule, not over plan, not overfill, not scroll endlessly. Instead, find moments to be bored. Model boredom and lean into it a bit. You might just find it’s your new favorite thing. You might find a few minutes of silence. You might finally read that book or sort that pile of mail on your counter. You may just sit, with a lit candle, and stare out the window. What an amazing way to show our young people how to slow down a bit and learn to truly be with themselves.